the1TRUEpenguin's Xanga

Sunday, October 31, 2004

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 18:28:36 GMT

me = new xanga. :)

www.xanga.com/hearts_areColdX

okay. bye bye

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 04:09:55 GMT

mood: hella bad headache..O_O

..I dyed my hair, and cut it. woot.
I dont know if people like it or
not though..I got kinda a weird
sorta feedback..so whatever...

my head hurts so effing bad..
you have no idea..

I was doing this thing in Health
today, and it was like, "Deep,
significant relationships that greatly
influence us throughout life" and
I automatically thought of some
people... <3gaby, your one of those
people.your ideals are awesome, your
heart is pure. You are someone
that in my book, is under, "amazing."
Sophie, my love, are another that
came to mind. you always are there
to listen to me, and to make me
smile. thank you.
And there were more, but eh. my
headhurts to name them all. we
had a total of 5 for that catagory.
and then there was another catagory
that was, "temporary or casual
relationships which have an
importance of their own." and for
that catagory, I could think of a lot
more people then the other one.
I actually thought of this a lot.
It sounds bad, but I know that
there are a lot of relationships
that I have with people, that I kno
will not be forever. and It doesnt
bother me one bit. sad..but true..

This coming sunday is Halloween.
I am really looking forward to this.
and then the monday after halloween,
is senior cut day BEEOTCHES. I wont be
at school. I mean, its like a give in that i
dont go. I'm sorry all.

I am going to help at a Halloween
party for homeless children on
thursday. Its in Daly City. and I'm
going with Lauren. its gonna be fun.
I mean, if the opportunity comes around,
I'm not going to leave it just sitting there..
If I can help in any way at all, I am.

I dont know what else to really say...

that means...I'm outa here...

</3

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 19:39:16 GMT

mood: sad..mad..

friday sucked..this morning sucked..

this weekend is going to suck..

just like all the others..

gee, how effing wonderful. I love spending my weekends
cleaning. its just what I want to do..NOT..I want to do
something to benifit myself for once, but I am always
deprived of that.

the only good thing so far that had happened, was that I got to
star gaze with my wonderful Sophie, and then she took me
out to dinner. <3 thank you for last night love :) you make
my days easier to bare.

I feel like watching a scary movie...

Its suposed to rain today. It already has a litle bit, and that
makes me happy. Rain makes me happy. the gloomy days
that people hate, are the ones that make me smile.
I LOVE THE RAIN.

I will be off now..

</3

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 03:29:38 GMT

I lost 5$ and I failed my Govt. midterm...

what a great day...

*is in tears*

...help....

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 04:40:53 GMT

I am soo...

hugXcore
holding:handsXcore
romanceXcore
greenXcore .. cause i LoVe the color green

I dunno I'm random..

does anyone out there have any requests as to pictures I should post..???????? dont be shy now.

I loooove me a good starbucks Coffee. Sinlge grande white mocha. MMMMM.

oh gosh. I saw this and I HAD to add it. Penguins are so awesomely cool. plus, they wear bow ties. <3

eh, I'm tired. I shall do more tomorrow.

YOU are the weakest link..........GOODBYE.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 05:33:35 GMT

mood: ...I'm not really sure...its more on the down side though..like...sad...

now if those things didnt make your heat melt..you need to go away immediatly. they are some of the cutest things in the world. especially those chocolate labs. I want one when I get my own place. they are so damn cute. and so loyal. I have a black lab mixed with a pit. and she is the best things in the world. but alas, she is at my moms. and I live with my grandparents. so there you go..I think that a puppy would do me some good right about now. unconditional love, and nothing but happieness. thats what I need...I really do. *le sigh*

[[me and my doggie <3 ]]

may day today consisted of: waking up..doing some stuff for my grandma..got dressed..went to pick up my sister..went grocery shopping for my grandma..out stuff away..went out to lunch with my sister..came home..did some stuff..went to angies..tried to finish our government packet..went out..baught some stuff..came home..sit..look up something that made me smile..[[see above]]..and now type this out. wow. amazing isnt it?

I am listening to some really awesome bag pipe music though. and I love it. Makes me feel..homey..like, I feel right..I dont know what I mean. I'm dumb..

I need to clean my room pretty bad. there are clothes everywhere..ack, its so frusterating when me room is messy. I cant think. I'm closed in..rawr. not cool. I most likely wont clean it though. not tonight at least. Its 11:22 PM..how wonderful. how fucking wonderful.

I brused my side pretty badly..I hit the side of my bed..the corner thingy. and well, I dont know what it is, but the side of my rib i guess is brused. I dont care. I'm in pain. but I just dont care. you know why? pain seems to find its way into my life so easily, I just kinda know its coming. and when I am happy, you automatically know that something bad is going to happen. Because it is impossible for me to be happy..it just is..I've tried..trust me..people are just mean..I hate people. there are a select few that I love with all my heart though. I can give you that. there are those few who wont hurt me. thoguh some do, and not even know it. But I dont care about that either. I fucking just dont care about a lot of things right now, and at the same time i care about a ton of things. I dont get myself..I really dont. I really dislike myself too. I mean, what the hell kind of a person am I? I am so selfish, bitchy, mean, cold hearted, not to mention ugly as hell...I dont know. I bother myself...

I am still sitting here, and I dont know what else to say. but I want to say soo much..thats another thing. I hate the feeling of when you want to say something, but you just want. because people will get mad, and then things will get bad. not like I already have it bad. whatever. I dont know anymore.

I really dont know what else to say..and with that. I leave you. </3

Au Revior

Friday, October 15, 2004

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 13:31:57 GMT

mood: is there anything below
totally dead? I didnt think so..

there you go. my emotions in plain
color. *sigh* well, things for me arent
going good at all. and you know what?
that was predictable, you know what?
My whole life was programed so that
I am never happy. go figure. out of all
people huh? well, i guess I derserve
it one way or the other.

something else that really isnt good
at all. My grandpa found my journal..
and read it..and now its like, SHIT SHIT
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.
like i said, nothing ever goes my way.
and now my life is in the palms of
people who are going to make things
ten times worse. ..

does anyone else want to add to the
misery? is there something that your
not telling me that I need to kno?
anyone? I'm on a role here. could
there possibly be anything more to
make melissa MORE depressed then
she already is? I THINK THERE COULD
BE. so come out with it.

now its time for school. yippie.

isnt it wonderful when you think
you know someone..and you really
dont..well. I still dont know what i
am doing..but I want to give a
nice...FUCK YOU.....to some people.
so there you go. and now I am done.

</3

Monday, October 11, 2004

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 05:41:17 GMT

fuck you all..

that is all

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 13:29:44 GMT

mood: hurting..sluggish..just a tad bit sad..

thats the kinda mood that I am in tight now. and its not
a pretty sight. I just kinda want to be alone..I want to
stay home again, and just sulk..but I cant. I am going
on a fielt trip today, to a day care in Millbrea..to take
a look at the children, and observe them. For my
Child Development class. I dont even want to do that
anymore. I was looking forward to this for some time
now, and now that its today, out of all days, I just
dont want to go. But I have to..Mrs.Fuggit would
throw a hissy fit if I didnt go. pshh. shes so mean
sometimes. gah...

Now I am 8 mins away from going to school...and
I am sitting here, not dressed, not make-up'd, with
the heating pad on my stomache. :( *tear*
sometimes I really hate life..it always seems that
that bad overcomes all the good. and I know there
is good out there somewhere...I know it. at least..
I hope there is..

I might be going to my aunts house for this
weekend. that means that I would be able to
spend the weekend with Kris. woo! I havnt seen
him in soo long. It'll be nice. plus, hes the only
one who likes to stay out really late till like 2 AM,
and star gaze with me..that is something that I've
missed tremendiously. lol.

4 mins now until I leave..have I gotten anything
dont since I last mentioned..no..

see, if it were up to me, I would stay in bed all
day. and just sleep. sometimes sleep is the only
cure. its a good way to leave things behind, and
take your mind into a totally differnt place. that is
exactly what I need right about now. *le sigh*

I guess I should go now, 1 minuet to go..

</3

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 19:14:09 GMT

mood: annoyed..sick...pain..

so I stayed home today. cramps = the devils way of
laughing at someone. rawr. so, I am going to now
be in bed mostly all day, wishing i was a guy, like I
so most every month. ...

I have been hearing my phone ring all morning though.
I have no idea who it is, but I dont want to answer,
for fear it would be my mother. I have a feeling if I
answer, shes going to yell at me, and I'm already in
a very emotional state (most girls know what I'm talking
about) So i just dont want to deal with it.

I wish I did go to school though. I know that if I stay
home I'm going to miss important stuff. But, no. No.
If i had anymore stress put on me, I think I would
burst. We took a stress test in health, and it was like
adding up scores from situations that have happened
within a year. well, the normal score was around the
200 level..little did I know...I got a score of 443. I
guess I'm more stressed out then i think. I dont know..
thats a really high score. and I told John what I got,
and he said that it doesnt seem that I would be that
stressed out. well, I'm good at hiding things arnt I?
I guess so...

well, I am sitting here with the heating pad on my
side, and writing this..Listening to Oasis-Masterplan.
a song that Carlos told me to listen to one day. Hes
a sweatheart. <3.

lets see, I think I am going to go..and like, keal over..
I feel like utter shat. yes, its so bad, that its no longer
shit, but it is now shat.

yes. me = leaving now.

</3